My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
