i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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