Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
