All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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