Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize