Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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