We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
