i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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