Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
