i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
