I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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