We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
