so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I would ride that face into the sunset
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
