you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
