How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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