No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize