rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
