I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
