Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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