Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
