not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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