I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize