Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
