He is like the real live version of the state fair..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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