You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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