did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
