I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
