Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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