sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
