Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
