I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
