Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
