I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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