I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
