i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
