Got a toothbrush?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
