Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
