Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
