Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
