Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
