Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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