I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
