My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
