Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize