I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
