Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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