I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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