Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
