I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize