so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
