I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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