I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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