he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
