you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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