The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
