she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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