the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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