I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
