the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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