that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just pee around me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
