Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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