this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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