I faked an abortion last night.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
