I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
