I wannas sexs uuuuu
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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