Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
