Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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