Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
