so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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