I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
