I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
