shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
