We need to rekindle our bromance
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
