i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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