Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm always down for nudity.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize