my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
