You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
