ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
