I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
